#18

We were finally asleep when it started in crescendo, the sound of the squawking crows once again. This time it seemed product of a group of them moving together homogeneously like a cloud. According as it got louder and more intense, it gave the impression they were getting closer and then flying around the building, around us. It seemed every time they turned the building more crows joined the cloud.
In the dark night appeared the darker cloud from the left of the window to disappear by its right. Each time they faded we looked at each other hoping they would continue they way somewhere else. We were starting to get it personal. Since three twenty till three forty lasted the crow crowd cloud reunion around the building and during that time we stayed stale in bed waiting for them to proceed and get to their end, as soon as he stood up and walked to the window then leaned to see, a bird flew in direction to his head and crushed our window. Just like in the movie, some of them followed and also crushed our window.
I was closing the blinds when we heard the glasses of the windows in the kitchen and in the hall, breaking. The kitchen had no blinds. I ran to close the door of the bedroom and then we both stayed sit in the pedestal table hugging in our last hug. I believed he felt asleep but it was all of sudden like a faint but a self inflicted one. I do not remember how long we stayed like that till the crows left I could already hear the neihgbours instead of them. They sounded astonished. I woke him up and we decided that that was a reality to face the following morning and went to bed.

The following morning I woke up and he didn’t. He was dead no doubts about it
I decided to stay in Latvia in the same apartment and with Anthony as my only company from then on and ever. In some way he reminded me of him. There is nothing more I could say. I got involved in something I realize too late it was wrong or maybe strong.

#17

I am writing this all because maybe it has to persist somewhere. The memories started to faint and are substituted by recent ones and all of them about Anthony. When we went to sleep that serene night, it seemed it could have been a one for dreaming with the beach. We spoke about the giant waves of the last season, and the way in that same last season we wanted to leave them behind and get to Latvia. What we wanted back then, was to simply disappear from the picture of the giant waves. I guess we did so, I guess anyone was around disguised of us. About those topics we spoke that night. That night which I need to remember in its very details to write about, so that I finally am able to forget, to let me go by this tendency filling me up taking care of me, and when they come to make questions about him, I will be able to answer, if I still have a voice - I don’t know.

He said that a reason for his increasing languishment, it sure had to be with an interlude to get the strength that was needing to confront the flight hours to reach the beach and then the parallel lines of streets uniform blocks with the fancy bad taste enormous houses including our family’s, that ended in the beach. And then farer but closer downtown, our apartment and our friends apartments, greyer.

He couldn’t even move from bed in the whole day but could manage to at least remain awake. None of the three days after the squawking espisode and Anthony standing in his head he ever felt ok. The first of these days he slept all its hours and after hours and then the entire afternoons and nights of the following two, he wasn’t even smoking so never minded about the lack of tobacco.

#16

Four days before departure and to walk through the latvian streets in order to let us feel them at least for two minutes. As long as two minutes would be something. They minutes made them entrance, we were finally feeling.
We were silently walking those streets, have been euphorically speaking during lunch about the idea of going directly to the beach in the first minute we reached land and picked our luggage back to our previous reality. No notice to any family nor friends, we would go to it directly, a beach that was already expecting for us in our minds, it, already ours. Newly renewed. Only after that we would decide how to continue, but not without the baptism. Without the baptism, in our heads, none of any other whatever to happen would be able to be pure, like we have known it before.
It was an irregular squawking what was sounding in through the Latvian air and crushing in the four of our foreigner ears. It seemed to us like different birds from distant locations recognized themselves and maybe they were also calling all the raven population for something like the other cloud that day of the terrace episode.
Silence was interrupted all of a sudden, he asked about it. About the squawking that I guess I was trying to ignore for the last thirty seconds twenty steps. Then I told him I did because I was already aware of it. The audible mess of the birds forcing all the people outside to be part of it continue all the way to the apartment.
Once we finally entered the hall; Anthony managed itself with three jumps and some very agitated mutilated wing moves to reach his head, it took me a while to stop laughing because of the really funny expresion in the face, even my stomach and some muscles around my mandibule hurted. Then he laughed too, but wanted it to get down, no way it would, and then we were all laughing again, I felt even Anthony was and furiously.
Then I told him to let the bird stay in his head and he did but said that its little claws were kind of nailing with anger. Later the standing in the head bird was forgotten and we saw a film in my computer. It was exactly what we wanted to see, the girl is finally brave and tells him no way then goes back with the silly at first but that truly cares about her guy. Movie was off then lights on, and Anthony was still standing like a statue with such a look in my frind's head, made me feel awkward.

#15

-Roots is what happen to plants then stay fixed -he said - but my quick feet can take me out of any place if I feel replaced. As quick as this. But I loved that spaguetti you made the forth of July so much I could have eaten it my whole left existing time.

#14

It was already eleven in the morning and he wouldn’t wake up. I shaked his left hand but he moved his face in both sides, looked at me and then soflty closed his eyes looking so pale I thought he was needing more rest. And he rested till three thirty in the afternoon when he came into the room Anthony was standing in his head looking so elegant and immature both, inseparable. I told him about how I found our last two packages of tobacco in the toilet again. He gestured he didn’t mind.
I knew he was getting to feel hopeless about belonging to a place and by that I mean a street, room, language, friend, taste of water.

#13

That one day that I didn’t feel that fond of the bird. We went out to the cinema and then we talked and he said he was ok with our crow and that it was only another one week till we would be taking off. I was really happy about it all, the day, its sun and wind and the pavement and him walking by my side leaving the old pavement behind.
Then, we said intrij, a fast almost mechanic intrij. And walking fast and thinking fast. Going left the corner fast when he realized we should come back to the grocery because we were running out of coffee and don’t remember what other ingredient for our meal that night.
I waited outside alone and the fat man wasn’t there, suddenly the idea of leaving the city felt to me like deeply rare, I mean, my bird was in the city.
But it was nice to continue with the good vibe. We were so gaily moving in the apartment, I put some bebop and he cooked and Anthony was there in the kitchen and they were again making the looking at each other straight in the eyes thing and it felt like we had a party going on.

#12

-When I woke up this morning -he said sleepy later at the table -I didn’t know where I was, it is curious how it never occurred to me before, when it’s totally normal for people staying in abnormal places for them. And now, that it is already familiar, the bed, we even have Anthony, I felt lost.

#11

Things changed the following week. He was out most of the day and I started talking to Anthony about everyday stuff but of course I never got a formal response but I knew it was there paciently silently listening to every single word that came out of my mouth. That was the kind of feedback that moved me the most.

#10

I felt how we were getting apart those last days, I could perceived his deep uncomfortable ways were starting to have something to do with me. And something like the growing new sick and pale him was starting to show in the kitchen in the hall in the room. We weren’t together with this and at this time and like I have never imagined before, there could be such a thing playing a role making us feel like strangers to each other. As weird as it might sound I started feeling much closer to Anthony than to him

#9

The next night, by the window that faced the backyard, we were talking about Anthony’s new semiwingless condition. Was it feeling less a bird?

If it wasn’t for me, at first, I think he would have probably kicked the bird out, but I knew he wouldn’t have liked it flying around the apartment so I eliminated his chance to find something to put against us kipping it and that is the reason for what why I did. For the sick of our new adventure.

Anthony was comfortably lying by his side looking at me with a look I have been starting to recognize. I could read the way it felt like belonging right there in the kitchen, right there at eleven in the night, right there to me. I wondered inside about him being conscious of that and if it would have felt something like this in its past life with the other birds, insects and foliage.

#8

My dream it was clearly a nightmare, I thought in the morning, a very stupid one for sure. And trying to convince myself of that and trying to feel better and less heart trembled and breath quavered I left bed, left the room with him sleeping, went in the kitchen for some coffee and easy bird lectures.
Mind control was related to the caledonians during medieval times, my boredom took me to think how awesome it would be to be controlled by an almost brainless bird. The possible nonsense horseplay I would end up doing getting away with it or at least not caring about the consequences. Because, if I was completely under its influence then the extreme noncare of the animal condition would be something to taste. If I ever had the chance, I thought, no doubts I would want to be filmed or have some kind of record of those circunstancies. In that very right moment, I pictured myself back home watching some family footage tapes with Nancy, both laughing to death. I didn’t know why she and that whole situation came into my mind, clearly even friendship was over between us months before this trip. Nancy was a nutcase for sure. Wondered about the way Anthony would like her or not. She always used to have a thing for birds, a thing that I have not understood back in those days. She would never ever eat chicken but could have a whole red meat steak without hesitation. She had some wacky story about how birds were going to be sent to space in 2050 which she would come up with no matter who was listening. At the begging of our relationship I founded it funny and used to believe she was just trying to play eccentric but then,one of those clear afternoons, I could understand she was being serious about it. Every time she started the not a single true fact in all the twenty minutes speech, I felt embarrassed. Better without her and no doubts about it, she had really messed me up. Though in her defense I have always said, her sense of humor was flawless. I wonder if she knows I am still in Latvia.

#7

That night I dreamt about the library, about the librarian and about him. He was reading an enchanting and clever love story about two crows, he said. And asked me if I minded him to read aloud some lines for me like he has done before thousands of times, I was pleased. His voice was so lively tenderly clear the same way his looks and I listened with surrender to his very every each words. About the crow love story I don’t remember a thing but, that at one moment, the protagonists were in the middle of a human crowd trying to get out and to fly away together somewhere high. That was when the librarian appeared and spoke in english but a little bit like squawking and said that there was no way we could get away from it all without suffer. He gave us the books we took in reality that afternoon and left them there for us. We danced because we knew it was over. And suffer was what was going to be going and going on.

#6

That night I dreamt about the library, about the librarian and about him. He was reading an enchanting and clever love story about two crows, he said. And asked me if I minded him to read aloud some lines for me like he has done before thousands of times, I was pleased. His voice was so lively tenderly clear the same way his looks and I listened with surrender to his very every each words. About the crow love story I don’t remember a thing but, that at one moment, the protagonists were in the middle of a human crowd trying to get out and fly away together somewhere high. That was when the librarian appeared and spoke in English but a little bit like squawking and said that there was no way we could get away from it all without suffer. He gave us the books we took in reality that afternoon and left them there for us. We danced because we knew it was over. And suffer was what was going to be going and going on.

#5

One really interesting day. I was reading some hideous novel I found in the apartament and he was watching some 50s cartoons. Out of nowhere appeared, outside and in front of the open window in the kitchen, four huge black crows.
Get the camera! -He screamed childish.
I already knew something rare was going on. Although no crow would pass the limits of the window, Anthony was standing inside from the inside in front and in between the four crows, even bigger than him. It was staring at them and they were staring at it, only staring at each other. The crows out, seemed floating in the air with their wings moving so calmly, they appeared to do it not because they needed them for flying but because of the beautifulness of the movements. As soon as they saw us enter in the kitchen, all of them looked in our direction and like studding us for some seconds would then just flew away squawking really loud, making a terrible mess out of horrible noises. Only when they were already out of the picture, our bird turned back to stare at us looking like it was getting smarter or something.
Finally, Anthony was giving us some action to talk about. Those birds, they looked to me like they were so elegant and suddenly repulsive. They definitely were of a specie, struggling with opposite forces just like the human race.
We would spend the rest of the day in the downtown library searching for any kind of information about… crows. What happened in the morning left us too intrigued to just let it pass by. We had not gone out together for a week and I felt good to do so, though I was worried about leaving Anthony all alone in the apartment.
Once the young librarian understood our Latvian -grāmatas par vārnu - he left inside and we waited like fifteen minutes. While we were, he told me that although he knew he didn’t want to wake up any other morning in the Latvian apartment, he wasn’t feeling like hanging in our other place with the guys and all any more. He said he felt changed. I agreed and told him that I didn’t, wanted to, either.
When the librarian was back said that, beyond some Poe collected short stories that included The Crow and, another one called Ravens in Winter the other two books he found were only in Latvian. We had a dictionary and he could sort of manage the language, there was a novel that he translated to Tale of the white Crow which we put away in the moment and Ltvijas putni, which means Latvian birds and it was a very detailed guide.
According to its looks Anthony was a New Caledonian Crow, it was intelligent, it was faithful to its partners, it recognizes people’s faces.
We took off right before the library closed, outside was already dark, none of us realized how late it was. We didn’t speak a word in our way home. Maybe, we were mentally too busy going through all the texts we have just read and reviewing what to look for in each of the books to continue with the crow whatever absorbing.
Once we got home, he went directly to the bathroom and came back holding an all wet tobacco package with two fingers and an expression of disgust in his face. He said that Anthony was obviously playing us a joke, he found that in the toilet. I was too tired for anything like challenging a bird and we didn't see it around and didn't bother to look for, which we knew we should have done, so that it wouldn’t be playing us any more jokes around. I took all the books of the new interest of our own and left them in the table to continue with their lecture like the first thing to do in the morning beyond breakfast.
Whatever, I m going to bed now - I told him.

#4

The following dawning, the noise of a bird like thrown up with no direction at all that happened to came inside the room by the window left opened, crashed into a wall, then the cealing and woke us up both. Anthony slowly proudly entered in the room with balance of a master and as soon as it appeared to be completely seen by the other one, the broken crow, it suddenly found its way out, disappeared completely.
What was that all about, what was that all about? - I screamed to him.
It looked like our Anthony had some kind of power over this other bird and that was hilarious. But then, I felt pleased we were again able to continue resting.
I didn’t know the reason we slept that long. When I woke up, Anthony was standing in the window staring at me then at him them at me again, till it finally decided to continue staring at him sleeping still sleeping.
I had a strong headache and I guessed it sure had to be with the oversleep hangover. I prepared our breakfast and then went into the room to woke him up. He was awake already and looking at Anthony back this time. They are connecting, he’s finally making friends, I thought.
His cup of coffee wasn’t empty when he put in it some analgesics and said he didn’t remember having such a horrible headache for very very long months. Then he said;
Anthony was looking ahead at me, have you realized when you came in? -I knew I haven’t but it was true, I realized then. They were both looking concentrated straight at each other.
Because we weren’t feeling our best we knew a plan for the day was what we needed.
After Bendiks, we thought that if we trained Anthony, it would be able to say at least something. But Anthony would never say the word we tried to repeat for the entire day from its late very begining to its tired end. The word was croud and no other word would come out from our mouths.

#3

The whole second day of the three of us passed by, we were starting to get bored again. The crow was much less active than what we expected it to be. It would just stand in the middle of the hall looking up most of the day with its non expressive side face. We both agreed about the way it seemed never to look ahead. We fed it with some kind of black seeds I got from a naturist next door. I wasn’t sure when it was that it ate or if it liked them or not, but I supposed it didn’t because of the almost always empty sad plate.
We spoke about Bendiks. Bendiks was the crow of the fat man that owned a grocery store across the corner of the apartament we were staying. Almost every each time that we went there for something or we just passed by, Bendiks would salute us by saying intrj and blakus. If it didn’t, I guess it was because it was mentally missing somewhere chatting with lots of crows and none fat man. Or maybe it liked the fat man and was just distracted by any other thing I can’t help to imagine or maybe I do. Of course, we wanted Anthony to be that polite, at least with us.
We would see if we could find an easy word for it so that we would repeat and repeat till it finally and suddenly, from nowhere, pronounce it surprising us I guess, making us feel excited again about something.
He was already having his after lunch concentrated coffee and I was slowly eating an apple and writing down the words that came up to my mind that would be funny to hear from Anthony, when we realized about them outside. The crows outside seemed to go all in direction close to our building.
We went to the terrace to see clearly what was happening there. I have never imagined such a thing. I saw once, in discovery or some other nature channel, shootings of what you could describe as clouds moving, gorgeously moving, of birds flying. Just like this cloud was doing right in front of us and the birds representing it all without knowing. Was the first time we saw that enormous amount of crows all together.
When they were already scattering we went our way down step by step of the one floor that separated our place from the terrace and when we get to our door I told him I was going out for a walk and continue descending step by step the other three floors and then the door and then the street, till I go round the corner cross the street respond hi to our friend the fat man or was it his crow that said intrj, I didn’t care I felt removed from my previous state to this I couldn’t help how touched I was by the beauty of the cloud if I can call it a cloud but I don’t how to call it, they were crows.

#2

I considered myself owner of some type of surgery background. My father is a vet, my mother a hairdresser and I took some first aid summer course during college. Since I was the most experienced with animals of the both of us, I decided to take care of it. I put the bird into sleep and proceeded. I cut a piece of the upper part of the wings so it wouldn’t be able to fly anymore. It was supposed to become our pet from then on. We named it Anthony, after his late canary. I did not have the chance to meet it but it was remembered as an easy going bird. Not that we had the same expectations for Anthony. When it woke up it still looked under the influence of the drug, a little dazed and it seemed to take its new form as a good thing.

At least, we were happy about it. Most of all I was. He hasn’t been happy about anything since the time he found and bought cheddar cheese in a fancy supermarket downtown. I believe he wasn’t that sure about keeping the bird, he just wanted to make a good entrance home and then told it- bye bye so long - after dinner - thank you, it was a pleasure. The same way he always used to do with everybody and by everybody I mean every body.

CROWRROR #1

O la versión inédita de Crow Horror. Wilde Horses, 2010.

Life was getting extremely boring during our last days in Latvia. In 7 months we didn’t manage to make one single friend or get involved in any kind of interesting activities. So we spent most of the time just hanging out in the lousy apartment we were able to afford. We very much wanted to get away from this city and all we could relate to it but twenty days were still left. He was even more anxious than me about leaving.
-Twenty days is not that much- I remember saying the same day we checked that all the documents and tickets were ok to fly abroad.
The same afternoon, he went out and did not come back till dark with quite a huge bird wrapped in a newspaper.
-What the hell!- I screamed, trying to act angry but I was kind of excited.
It was alive and we thought it was some type of crow.